Arizona man ‘fakes own kidnapping’ to get out of work

   anagrams to 

  Known geek dozing on Fart Poop wit.

       OK... I am a Fart Anus,

 Canadian butter has gotten weirdly hard,

 won't soften at room temperature, 

  and nobody is sure why.

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   Now unremote Fart poet to master:

  'Now shattered - eradicably taunting!' 

   'Abhor sunny, dowdyish dear.'

 Man cut out and cooked neighbor’s heart 

‘to feed his family and release demons’

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  Unodored bucktooth as menacing Farts.

 Eh! A hymeneal, one-sided Fart melodies.